Some words and notes of St Gemma in honor of her feast day, Monday April 11th. The majority of which are new and have not yet been published on this website.
Saturday, July 5, 1902
Why so afflicted, my soul? ... You are offending your love, if you do not embrace the cross wholeheartedly. You do not care about Heaven if you do not direct your thoughts to Calvary. Do not be afflicted, my soul: you are wed with Jesus for all eternity, together with his pains, and you are obliged to live crucified.
Oh Jesus, oh Jesus…Jesus my love! ... I am hungry for your bread of life, I am thirsty for your sacramental blood.
You know, my soul, why I want you to embrace the cross? ... Because if the rod of the cross does not knock you down a little, you are in danger.
Oh Jesus ... I know that the cross is dear to you, and in the cross you have placed all your tenderness, all your affections ... Do not let your love deny me the cross out o jealousy, I beg you. Either crucify my soul or let me die. My Jesus ... my adored love, how I love you!
And I understand you, I understand you, my Jesus; I understood you well this morning. My God, I love you, I love you! ... My affections should shout out; my senses, all should shout out: 'Who resembles you, my God? Who resembles you among the gods?'
Wednesday, July 9, 1902
Letter to Father Germano
My good Dad,
Long live Jesus! Do not fear: if Jesus helps me, I no longer want to hide anything, no matter what it is. That ugly devil continues to torment me, but now with temptations that Jesus permits to be only brief flashes; as soon as they arrive, they instantly disappear; other times with some dream, etc., etc.You know why I asked you when the time for punishment would come, for which Jesus is preparing me? Because I asked Jesus one morning after communion and he answered: "As soon as you set foot in the monastery.
That's why I wanted to know if you would give me the same answer. Is it possible that what I thought could come from Jesus?
This morning I made a pact with Jesus about food. Everything is all right, my dear Dad; I will no longer feel a sense of taste but Jesus will make me keep food down, but only the tiniest amounts, I realize, because if I eat a lot I will throw up, if I eat a little, I don't. This morning with Jesus we then talked about my health and in your name, dear Dad, I asked that he make me feel well and gain a little weight. Listen to the response: "Tell your Dad that I will allow it this time only, but for a very short while." I don't understand. Tell me what you think. My dear Dad, how calm I feel since Jesus' words! I feel full of confidence in you, such as I have never, never felt, not even when we first met.
About the other permission ... Long live Jesus! How I awaited your letter to begin but ... Rest assured, I won't do anything. Indeed, a while ago I had asked the same permission from Monsignor Volpi. He too had denied me; but Friday he himself gave me license to try it for one month, saying he would judge during this period whether I could continue. I left the confessional and ran to Jesus and prayed him to give me a little light about which of my two directors I should obey. (Your letter had not yet arrived; and in me I felt a strong desire to have this permission.) And Jesus, my good Jesus, made me understand clearly to do nothing, that permission had to come from you. In this I struggled a lot, you know, dear Dad. To feel the desire ... Monsignor gave me permission ... but Jesus, how quick he is! ... I am calm; I await your decision. I would go down very fast, dear Dad, if when you are far away I did not have Jesus.
Needless to say, no vocal prayers; the exclamations, the thoughts toward Jesus are continuous, you know, dear Dad. A few days ago I committed a huge omission, enough that God might have struck me with lightning. Merciful Jesus! Mr. Lorenzo had ordered me to do a bill and maybe I gave it too much attention so that I left the presence of God; but it was only for a minute and then I returned instantly within myself; I asked God's forgiveness and he immediately forgave me.
Yes, I do know how to translate Saint Augustine. (Here Gemma is replying to a question in a previous letter from Fr. Germano) Listen, Chapter I, page 5: "My Jesus, make my heart desire you; desiring you, let it seek you; seeking you, let it find you; finding you, let it love you; loving you, grant it the forgiveness of sins; and obtaining that, let it not commit them again."
Oh dear Dad, a few minutes ago I felt overwhelmed with a strong pain for my sins, enough to die. My God! look first to your son, begotten by you, then take a look at this creature you have redeemed! Afterward, remaining a while like this ... I don't know how to say it ... I lost myself and thought of my soul as a huge mountain with Jesus holding it up so it wouldn't fall down. Yes, exactly like that, dear Dad: if Jesus did not support my soul, it would fall ... Oh my God, since you have cleansed my soul of sin, which is its destroyer, do take it as its guardian!
And do you not feel, my dear Dad, how every moment I pray for you?
Indeed, I often say: "My Jesus!" And then I add: "My dear Dad, where are you? Where have you left me? Why don't you return quickly, since I am dying, and dying for love of Jesus? Do you not see that my heart and my body are being consumed and will become ashes? Do you not see that I am a victim oflove and soon I will die of love? Do you not see that all worldly things weary me, I long for nothing, only love, love, love?" All this, dear Dad, does not bring a lament in my heart, but resignation.
I speak of you with no one. Friday Monsignor asked me: "Did Father Germano give you any permission for external penances?" "No," I answered. "And are you happy with this?" "Yes, it's all the same." "But if you want to do a few, go ahead, because I give you permission, little ones though ... ," and he listed a few, but I did none of them, none: I feel Jesus does not want it. Then he questioned me some about the mystery of the Holy Trinity; I found myself very confused, dear Dad, because the monsignor uses different ways than yours; but Jesus, how well he knew to blow the trumpet in my ears! So we both remained confounded and humiliated before the majesty of God!
Have no fear for your soul, dear Dad; do you not realize that with Jesus I deal with your soul as if it were my own? You should do as I do. Don't you think it is almost good luck that I was born a sinner? Because Jesus' veins, filled with sacramental blood, are always open to sinners. Long live Jesus!
I will write again soon because I have so many other things to say but this morning I cannot continue because I do not feel well. Bless me strongly, very strongly. I am your poor
[P.S.] The Latin I explained hastily; if you want something more extensive, I shall do so; I do not know how to do it literally, but every thought, every word gives me so much to say. You take it as is, right Dad? Indeed, if you think it necessary, I'll do so; otherwise, let's drop it, since I don't do so willingly.(Thank you very much for the permission you granted me. You will see what Jesus will give you.)
Saintly soul, assist me; dear Mother, come to my aid ... Mother Giuseppa, saintly soul, I need you. Chosen soul, you enjoy the most beautiful part of Jesus, being the bride oj his heart: you have made him your beloved ... I tum to you this morning in particular: say some prayer to Jesus for me.
Saintly soul, use a little portion of your great fervor to beseech Jesus for my soul, unhappy and needy, that pardon which I have not been able to deserve ...
More, more ... I want more. Interpose, saintly soul, your pure love with Jesus on my behalf, so that he will deny you nothing ...
More, more ... Apply, saintly soul, the merit of your charity, through which everything is possible with Jesus ...
Do you see, dear soul, how much I want from you? If you do not want to do this for me, do it in homage to God, the sole object of all your concerns ... Mother Giuseppa, tell me, will you do it? Yes, right?
But how will you do it if I place obstacles? I have deformed my spirit, the living image if Jesus' beauty. Generous Jesus!....
-St Gemma, pray for us!
"This morning, after Holy Communion, I thought: ‘Oh, what a great sorrow must have been for the Madonna after the birth of Jesus when She thought that they were to crucify Him! What a heart ache! How many sighs, how many times She must have cried! However, She never complained. Poor Mother! Then when She saw Him really crucified, that poor Mom was pierced by many arrows. I well know that when a person hurts the son in the presence of a mom or dad, the pain hurts the son and the parents. Therefore my Mom was crucified together with Jesus. And, She never complained..." -St Gemma Galgani