Letters of St Gemma to Monsignor Giovannni Volpi -1899

Letters of St Gemma to Monsignor Giovannni Volpi -May to November, 1899. 
(The webmaster would like to gratefully thank Mr. Christian Hernandez for translating from the original Italian the inspiring and informative passages below. May God reward him for his efforts.) 
She [Gemma] looks for an opinion on the communication of so many things to say.
(April – May 1899)
I must tell you many things on the part of Jesus and also on my part.  I do not know if I would do better to tell you in person or if I should write it, but it seems to me that Jesus would be very content if I say it myself.  It would please me so much if through Palmira you could tell me what I should do. 
            I ask for your blessing and pray to Jesus much much for the poor

Jesus entrusts Gemma with a very sorrowful message for a superior of a convent if she does not consent to the Divine Inspirations.
 (May 1899)
It has already been several days since Jesus told me these words: ‘Go to the Superior and tell her that If she still continues not to consent to My inspirations, if she is still obstinate in her purpose and does not want in any way to submit to that which her superiors command her, soon it will be apparent, because I have already prepared her punishment.  Woe unto her if she does not pay heed to this last warning.  Tel her also that if I have withheld the punishment I have only done so for some souls who are very dear to me, but now I do not have more time, because the time is already overdue.  Tell her everything is in her hands…’  I have written these things to you solely out of obedience [to Jesus], but as soon as you have read them I beg you to burn these writings as soon as possible and to tell nothing to the Superior, because everything is in my head, but nothing is true.
            You must tell her other things, but I tell you myself.

She believes she has disobeyed, because after Communion she fell into ecstasy.  Jesus makes her understand that if He makes Himself far from her, He does it to test her.  She feels repugnance at the manifestation of the favors with which God has enriched her; she asks to be sent to a convent.

(May – June 1899)
            How long has it been that I have needed to confess!  I try, and they tell me there is none.  Listen.  I have disobeyed.  Yesterday morning and the morning before that, when I had received Communion (I was in St. Michele Church, because you wanted it) I was content; I wanted to be good, and nobody noticed that I had Jesus, but I did not manage: I was too content; I do not know what happens, but I know that afterword a woman thought I was ill; she did not leave me until they came to get me.  I was so good, that I no longer believed myself to be in the world nor in church; I was with Jesus.  This morning I have not even felt Jesus but I find myself very happy; because Jesus has made me understand that if He withdraws from me, it is not for big sins, because He tells me it is like a trial He wants for me.  I have to tell you many other things, but in the confessional.
            And now since often lately I have been telling you these certain things, the shame should already have passed me by; but instead I feel that every time I must write or I must confess, it grows; but it is not shame, I do not know how to describe it, it is like fear.
            Bless me, and pray for the poor
            Will you also put me in a convent? Watch that you place me in some small post; if you knew how bad I am!  Give me leave… I will not write it, because I am afraid that someone will read it.”

Most Holy Mary appears to her with the Infant in her arms and she orders to enter the Passionists.  Gemma resolves to travel to execute the order she received.
(July 1899)
            To obey Fr. Gaetano it is necessary that I tell you something, which happened to me some days ago.  One evening, while I was writing, I heard my name called; I turned around and saw a Lady with a Child in her arms.  She reached out to give me the Child; I took Him, then the Lady told me: ‘You, daughter, have recuperated back to health, and so I want you to serve my Son in the Order of Passionists.  You will be a Passionist.’  Saying these words, she took the Child, blessed me, gazed at me much much, and after having taken a few steps, she turned around anew and told me: ‘You must tell your Confessor that what he has refused you, he must not refuse me, for I am the Queen of Heaven. I have given you the order to enter into the Company of the Passionists, and you must do what I have commanded you.”  Having just saying these words she went away.

After this I could do nothing but cry all night, because I see that I am very far from the aid of people in this request.  But I think that, if the Madonna has ordered me, she will help me.  I have formed a resolution: to go {to try to enter a convent -editor]  and the words of the Most Holy Virgin will sustain my courage.  I will go as I am, without anything; and it will not give me repugnance to suffer: I will never suffer as much as Jesus has suffered; and soon I will be content, if by force of sacrifice I will be able to enter the Passionists.
            This order I have received from the Madonna and I must obey.
            Bless me.

She wants to do that which the Passionists do; she speaks of her hardships, in particular the sweat of blood.  Jesus wants this gift from her Confessor, that he places her in a convent soon.
(July – August 1899)
            Saturday you gave me permission to get up in the night; I rise and pray, but I would like to do what the nuns do; would you tell Fr. Gaetano, in your name, that he show me what the nuns do, so that I may also do it?
            Yesterday Jesus made me suffer much, all day I sweated blood; I was not at home, but I was with Mrs. Cecilia Giannini; I don’t know if she noticed anything.  Jesus continually recommends me not to pay attention to anything of those in my home, if not I will be punished.  He always tells me that I must be ashamed to be seen by any person, because my soul is full of defects.  If you could see how ugly my soul is! Jesus has made me to see it.
            Then last night, when I was free I felt that Jesus was holding me strongly strongly at the neck and did not want to let me go; He told me I am all His, that He wants so much from me, that He must give me many warnings, but when I am in the convent; right now He cannot, and He told me: ‘You must tell your Confessor that he give me this gift, for I want it: that you place me in a convent.’  
I told Jesus that I have already told you this, and Jesus responded: ‘Repeat it to him and tell him that he do so soon, and all difficulty of you being received will be averted. You must tell him that I alone am responsible for everything.’  

And then He told me that after this I should speak no more of the convent, because He has said enough of what is to be understood; Jesus left me, and told me to tell you as soon as possible.
            I ask you for your Blessing and pray to Jesus for the poor
Please, ask Palmira if I should ask Fr. Gaetano about that matter; have you understood well             what I have written?
Jesus, when He told me these things, was angry.

Jesus tells her that He will take away the extraordinary gifts, not now, but when she is in the convent; this to the Confessor in quality of conversation, or rather a servant, to do the last things.
(August – September 1899)
            Yesterday I spoke with Fr. Gaetano, and he told me that you wanted me to pray to Jesus that He may take away all the ecstasies.  I told Jesus; Jesus responded that He will remove them completely if I go to the convent; until I leave, I will remain how I am now, so that they will take better care to hide me.  Jesus told me to tell you to place me (the nuns say as a lay sister) but Jesus did not say as a lay sister, proper to do the last things as a servant, but in the convent, because now the expense is very little; what does He think of to make me do everything.
            Bless me and pray much for the poor

She begs him to placate Mrs. Cecilia, who was disappointed in her regard.  She sees the sinister thoughts which pass through the minds of others about her.  Jesus reproaches her and commands her not to think of anything but the conversion of sinners; He tells her that the Confessor must place her in a convent immediately.

(September 1899 – Cf. P. GERM.n.XIII.)
            Forgive me, if also this morning I inconvenience you.  Listen: It seems to me that in these days I have caused a great displeasure to Mrs. Cecilia.  It appears to me even Jesus told me she was displeased, and she felt it greatly; but He tells me it was not I who caused it, it was Him; Jesus permitted it so.  Today He told me it comes from you; think, if you consider it good, to calm her.  It seems to me that she has changed a little with me; also of this tell her how she must comport herself with me, do as you think best.  If you could see, how many people have changed with me the past few days! My head makes me see the thoughts which pass through the minds of others.  Because of these things which happened it had been some days in which I had not thought much of sinners.  Jesus succored me and told me that I must think of nothing more that the poor sinners; the other things He will do Himself: I will think of nothing.  He then retold me that I must enter a convent at once.
            These things, as I have always told you, are all from my head, and therefore do not believe; do as Jesus wills, because I am sure Jesus has told you something.
            I ask for your Most Holy Blessing and recommend to Jesus the poor
            Mrs. Cecilia writes to Fr. Provincial, and she asked me if I wanted to write him.  Are you content that I write him everything of these days?  And is Fr. Gaetano content that I tell him everything?

Jesus tells Gemma to tell Mons. Volpi that if he had been alone to observe her at the time of her stigmata, without the doctor conducting the medical examinations, then Jesus would have convinced  him of the authenticity of the stigmata.  Yet, the saint rejoices in being thought of and treated as a hysteric, because being despised in that way she is dearer to Jesus.

(8 September 1899. – Cf. P. GERM.n. XIV).
            If you had been alone, Jesus would have had it persuasive.  Today, when I began the three hours of agony, listen to what happened to me: yesterday evening Jesus warned me that today you were supposed to come; I did not want to submit, because I was ashamed; at the end I won.  At first I suffered a little in the head and side but after some time Jesus told me: ‘Do you not remember, my daughter, that long ago I told you, that there will come a day in which no one will believe you anymore? Well that day is precisely today.  Oh, how much more you are acceptable to me despised, then at first, when everyone believed you to be holy.’ 

Jesus then told me that with you there was still another person; but Jesus told me that person had seen nothing; He also told me he was a doctor and Jesus did not desire this.
            Today Jesus wanted me to perform this sacrifice, and I did so voluntarily.  Albeit as that doctor said, it is hysteria: precisely because of and like this, Jesus desires me much better.  But He told me that in comparison with what I must pass through, this is nothing.  I ask for your Blessing, and pray to Jesus that for every kind of suffering He sends me, He give me strength to bear everything.
Jesus is ready to give the Confessor a sign of the authenticity of Gemm's stigmata, provided he is alone; He heralds many crosses and instructs her on the preciosity of suffering.  Gemma does not ask Jesus for any other grace than to love Him evermore, and He presents her with His chalice, telling her He wants to be her Spouse of blood and that He wants her crucified.

            Yesterday evening Jesus told me to tell you these things: ‘You must tell your Confessor that whatever sign he wants from Me, I will give him, provided he is alone; it suffices Me that he is only certain that it is not a illness, as they believed, and it is not your work; but you must tell him that I will send to you many crosses’, that together with receiving love, I will receive hatred and contempt, and I will too be abandoned by Jesus; but when Jesus has put me in this state, I must not think toward the end: but I must prepare myself for the other crosses, and bear them strongly.  Then Jesus told me: ‘Do you know, my daughter, why I delight in sending crosses to the souls who are dear to Me? I desire to possess their souls but entirely, and by this I surround it by crosses, and I close it in tribulations, so that it does not escape from My hand; and by this I enmesh their affairs with thorns, so they do not become affectionate to anyone, but find all contentment in Me alone.  My daughter, - Jesus told me – if you do not feel the cross, it cannot be called by the name of cross. Be completely secure that upon the cross you will not be lost.  The devil has no power against those souls who for love of Me groan upon the cross.  Oh my daughter, how many would have abandoned me, had I not crucified them! The cross is a most precious gift, and from it many virtues are learned.’
I then prayed to Jesus, that He not grant me any other grace but to love Him much much, and Jesus told me: ‘O soul beloved to me, if truly you wish to love Me, behold My chalice: you may drink from it until the last drop.  In that same chalice I have placed my lips and yourself I want you to drink from it.’  I responded to Jesus, that He does with me what He wills.  And then He told me: ‘This cross which I have sent you, it is not dear to you, rather it is contrary to your heart, and how much more is it contrary, and so similar to mine.  Would it seem to you horrendous to see a father in sorrows, and his daughter rejoicing? When I am your Spouse of blood – said Jesus – I will want you, but crucified; show your love toward Me, as I have shown towards you, and do you know how? Suffering hardships and crosses without number.  You should keep your honor, if I treat you thus and I lead you through harshness and sorrowful paths; permit that you are tormented by the Devil, that the world is disgusted with you, that you are afflicted by the people most dear to you, and with daily martyrdom and hiddenness.  I permit that your soul be purified and tried.  And you, my daughter, think only in this time of exercising great virtue, for this is the moment; run for the paths of the Divine Will, humble yourself, and be secure that if I have you on the cross, I love you.’
            I ask for your Blessing.
            Do not believe anything, because it is my head.

Having appeared to her the Infant Jesus she begs Him with sincerity and amiable insistence that He takes from her every extraordinary gift or make the Confessor understand well. Jesus seems to promise it.

(13 September 1899. – Cf. P. GERM. n. I).
            Yesterday you told me to pray to Jesus that he takes away everything [all of the outward signs -editor], or that He makes you to better understand and to whom you wanted.  I prayed much, today as well as tomorrow I will pray much, for I want it, I want it in all ways  [this grace].  It appears to me that my head had promised me that Jesus would do everything that the Confessor wants.  I told Jesus that if it is really Him, make me to see everything.  If it is the Devil, that He take him away, for I do not want him; if it was my mind, I would not support it more and destroy it entirely.
            + Yesterday evening it went like this.  I was with Mrs. Cecilia; when it was time, I went to my room and remained just alone alone and there appeared to me (but I was in ecstasy) that the Infant Jesus had come to me in my arms, and appeared that He loved me much.  So I began to speak to Him with all confidence; I told Him to make you understand things well, and not to make impatience me more, that I did not want Him more; that I did not like this and that joke he played on Friday.  Jesus smiled and told me: ‘I will do it for you, I will do it for you.’  But He said it gentle and slow.  I told Him not to wait much to grant it to me, because I do not want to wait, neither I nor the Confessor.  The desire is the desire for strength.  “If you do not grant it to me (I said), I will not love You anymore, I will not respond anymore when You call me, and I will not smile anymore with You.  And then that when a person loves another, they do everything they want.”  And Jesus told me; “But I have loved you much, more than so many of my other creatures, even though you were the worst.” “But it is true, Jesus, You have granted me so many graces, but if You do not grant me this one, it appears to me that it is the most necessary, You have done nothing; not for me, but You know, Jesus for whom: first for the Confessor and then…”
            In short it appears to me that Jesus promised it to me.  We will see.  You, and what you want, will see everything.  If you see in these words that I have not been sincere, tell me, for I do not want to say any falsehoods;  also if I have been disobedient, let me know at once, because I do not want to commit more sins; it appears to me that I have committed so many.
            I ask for your Holy Blessing and pray much much for the poor

Gabriel of Our Lady of Sorrows, appearing to her repeatedly, instills in her the devotion to Our Lady of Sorrows, and he promises her the grace she so desires, if she recites for seven evenings the Chaplet of the Seven Sorrows.

(Last days of September 1899)
            It has been eight days that, one evening while I was in ecstasy, it appeared to me that Br. Gabriel told me that if I wanted to obtain the grace I so desired (you know which) I should pray for 7 evenings the Chaplet of Sorrows and everyday recite the Stabat Mater.  Yesterday, the seventh day, Br. Gabriel with Mary Most Holy of Sorrows it appeared to me that they told me whenever you want to begin the trial they are ready.
            I write this to you to obey, if though you do not believe me, I am content the same.  I have had so many things to tell you, but since you have not asked me anything more, I am afraid to do wrong to tell you.  Bless me and pray for the poor
            Rather it appeared to me that Br. Gabriel reproached me for the little devotion I have shown toward Mary Most Holy of Sorrows, and he told me that whatever grace I ask of him in life, he will grant me all.  I requested this one; he promised it to me.  What do you think, is it true?  What do you think of doing so?
            I am the poor

Various apparitions of the Devil to tempt her with flattery and threats not to love Jesus.  Gemma resists and Jesus is pleased.  She returns seeing St. Gabriel, who promises to come every evening to tell her many things.
            It has already been a few days that the Devil left me a little in quiet, but now instead it has been two days that he tempts me much much.  But first it is necessary that I tell you that Monday, when I performed the hour of watch (I was with the nuns) there came to me a thought of pride.  The thought was this: Jesus in that same hour had told me many things, and I felt that He loved me much; and I thought to myself: so therefore I am better than the others, for Jesus treats me so; everyday He appears to me.  And with this thought I dwelled a little; later I did not think more.  Then Wednesday Jesus reproached me much, and told me that to punish me He would not send Br. Gabriel, and He had given the Devil permission to tempt me more, and even beat me; and everything then came true.
            Wednesday evening, when it was late, a great sadness began; I became aware that he was near (I was not in my house: Jesus would not have permitted me in my house; because I made a bit of noise).  I was alone with Ms. Cecilia; she gives me a little calm through obedience, if now who knows what the beast would have done to me.  He began to tempt me not to pray, that I had no need to.  He told me that when you put me in a convent, I will not proceed, because the first evening he will tear me all into little pieces with his claws.  It seems to me that he has a lot to do with Fr. Gaetano; he told me he is a liar, that if he had him between his teeth he would have liked to strangle him.  I said so much nonsense, but I did not want to say them: They came out.  Then he beat me a little; then finally with Holy Water, and then with St. Paul of the Cross, he left me.  I went to pray a little; when I was in the middle of meditation, he was there anew, and so I said: “Go away, ugly beast! Do you not understand that instead of making me lose, you cause me to win?” He escaped far far.  I continued to pray and I finished well; but then after I was dismayed, because I believed myself to have sinned; Jesus assured me that I was free, because I never consented.
            Yesterday evening I then thought he would leave me alone, because it was the most beautiful evening for me; he came and tormented me from nine to ten.  He told me to go to bed instead of pray.  Mrs. Cecilia prayed in spite of me, and since in the bedroom there was a Passionist – the devil fears them – I was not permitted to do anything; they prayed and I felt myself bitten from the inside by the devil; they would give me the Crucifix, but I would not take it.  Around 9:30 he then left me a little, because I yelled loudly: “Long live the cross! Long live sufferings!”  Having said this, he left: I took the Crucifix into my hands and I came to a little.  Jesus came to give me His cross; I took it, and in that same moment He gave me the signs in my hands and feet, with much pain.  In that moment I wanted to rise and get to my knees to do my hour; but beheld anew the beast in the form of a young man and he told me in my ear: “What are you doing? You are stupid to go to pray to a malefactor, who wants to take revenge on you.  Look at what he does to you: he nails you upon the cross like Him; look at the harm he does to you. Crush Him and tell Him you want to be good, and not a malefactor; He thinks you are evil and because of this He nails you upon the cross; spit in His face, tell Him to leave you alone, for I will guide you.”  So I kissed Jesus for spite of him, and said interiorly: “O Jesus, instead I thank You for so many graces, I want to love You so much.”  And he (= the devil) kept telling me in my ear: “But how can you love a malefactor, condemned to die, and one you do not know? Look at me: I am a handsome young man, good, who never does harm to anyone; I do not nail anyone; that malefactor there, look, always making suffering.  I in turn always make joy; obey me, and right now I will cease all the pains in the hands and feet, and if you listen to me, I will always make you happy and I’ll keep you with me.”
            I did not want to consent to all these things, but there came from me certain ugly things against the poor Jesus.  After having said all of these things he left me, and I went to do my hour; it came out well: As soon as I kneeled down, Jesus came at once, and I lingered a little with Him.  I asked Him where He had gone; He responded: “I was close to you.” “Oh my Jesus, - I said – I have suffered so much with the infernal beast, and now I am laden with sin, and I have offended you.”  And Jesus told me: “My daughter, you have offended Me in nothing nothing, because you never consented.  But now I free you, and he will not come anymore to disturb you.”
            + He asked me if I would suffer voluntarily out of love for Him, and I responded: “Yes, my Jesus; I would feel the strength to suffer even more: to suffer for You, oh Jesus, is a joy; for I am happy to suffer.”  In the end I prayed to Jesus to forgive me all my sins, and for him to send me Brother Gabriel again.  After a while He sent him to me.  What consolation it gave!  It had been two evenings that he had not come: he blessed me, he told me some things on suffering temptations and also the other things; he reproached me because I commit too many defects, and he promised me that, if I was good, he would come and tell me things.  He blessed me anew and left me.
            It was a stroke and half passed; I went to bed, but it was not a sleep of the night, it was the usual sleep.  I restrained myself with Jesus the rest of the night, and I suffered with Him, and I was good.
            O, Monsignor, how beautiful is the face of Jesus!  All the same how ugly and horrendous is that of the devil!
            Bless me, and be quick to send it to me.  Pray to Jesus for the poor

Assailed by strong temptations, she girds her waist tightly with a rope bristled with nails, so much so to make her faint.  With infinite tenderness Jesus relieves and consoles her, telling her He was with her, in her heart, during the temptation.  Gemma resolves to afflict the rebellious flesh to subdue it to the spirit.  She says she cannot any longer refrain from the desire to enter into a convent.

(October 1899 – Cf. P. GERM. n. XI).
            I do not know if yesterday morning I confessed well, but I don’t think so.  When You questioned me about what I did at night when my brother is not there, oh how many things were left!  You asked me if at night when I had ugly temptations if I got up; I responded no, but instead more time there came to me ugly things in my mind over the course of the night.  So I got up, I exited the room and I left… Then yesterday night, I felt so tightly gripped by an ugly temptation (I could not have more).  I exited the room, I went where no one could see or hear me; I took the rope, which I wear every day until noon; the one full of nails, and then I put it on so tight, that some entered in me; but the pain was so strong, that I could not resist and I fell to the ground without knowing where I was.  After some time there appeared to me Jesus.  Oh how content He appeared in that moment!  He picked me up, He took me into His arms (He appeared to love me much), He loosened the rope, but left it on me.  So I wanted to do and say things to Him, but I did not have the courage even to look at Him.  Finally I told Him: “My Jesus, where were You, when I felt in that manner?” And Jesus: “My daughter, I was with you, and very close.”  “Where?” I told Him.  “In your heart.”  “Oh my Jesus, if You had been with me, I would not have had the similar temptations.  Who would even know, my God, how much I have offended you?”  “Maybe did you not have pleasure?”  “So much pain I had instead.”  “So My daughter, be consoled: you have offended me in nothing.”  Jesus continued to hold me in His arms, and told me: “Look at me.”  I have never had courage to look at Him, and He told me: “If I sent you even bigger temptations, what would you have done?” “Jesus, as long as I never offend You, then send me what appeals to You.  Look, Jesus, - I told Him – it is my body that resents, but I will know how to make it be quiet.  So many times it cries, I did not want to pay heed, but I think of it.  Yesterday evening it seemed it wanted to revolt, when I was going to take the discipline, but I made it to be quiet giving it very firm blows. 
            From yesterday to now how evil I have been!  In church, instead of praying, I began to laugh without knowing at what, and moreover it seems to me that the devil has turned me a bit from the inside; because to make myself to pray, oh how much effort it takes me!
            Bless me and pray to Jesus for the poor
            Will you put me in a convent?  I cannot hold on any more.  I have so many things to tell you, but I cannot even come to it.

She prefers to die, then commit a single sin, Jesus tells her He permits temptations to teach her humility.

(October 1899)
            Yesterday morning I wanted to write you immediately, but I was so confused, I could not.
            Well I have been noticing and often feel myself to be under the strong temptation of the devil, because certain things I truly do not know, but if by chance I have truly failed… It seems to me no, no; I truly do not want to commit sins; and now I would always prefer to die, than commit a single sin.  I pray ensuring to Jesus that I would rather become blind forever, before offending Him even slightly against Holy Modesty; and in that way I would like all the senses of my poor body to remain absolutely free, before sinning with them.  Tonight went like last Thursday precisely: at a certain point I lamented with Jesus, why He permits certain things, and Jesus: “It is I who permits so, in order that everyone might recognize that you are weak and can sin, and then so that they recognize your misery, and you so that you learn to be humble, truly humble.  With all you defects you try to be haughty.”  “But my Jesus, - I told Him – at least make it so that I do not offend You more.”  “Never take your will, and so live secure.”
            Bless me, and pray for the poor

She did not want to write him more, because the devil tells her that the Confessor keeps all her writings, that then one day they will serve for some things.  Jesus appears to her with the cross on His back and He shows her His open wounds to show her how to love: the cross is the stair of paradise, it is the patrimony of all the elect.

(October 1899. – Cf. P . GERM. n. III).
            Today Mrs. Cecilia has humiliated the devil with me.  I decided not to write you anymore, because the devil tells me that you always have all of my writings, that then one day they will served for something; not even today did I want to write You; but then Jesus won.
            In the hour of guard, there appeared to me to see Jesus with the cross upon His back, and He told me: “Gemma, do you want my cross? See, this is the gift which I have prepared for you.”  I responded: “My Jesus, give it to me completely, but also give me strength, because my back is weak.  My Jesus, as long as I do not fall underneath.”  Jesus promised it to me, He asked me if I wanted it forever, or for Friday, as usual.  I responded that His will be done.  So then Jesus: “Tell it to your Confessor; if He is content, I will give it to you forever.” + I then asked Jesus that I wanted to love Him much; but I have a small heart and I do not know how.  So Jesus made me to see all His wounds, and told me: “My daughter, look at me and learn how to love: Do you not know that love has killed me? Behold these wounds, this blood, these stripes, this cross, and every work of love.  Look at me, my daughter, and learn how to love.”  I said: “But, my Jesus, therefore if I suffer, it is a sign that I love you.”  Jesus responded to me that the most clear sign that He can give to a soul who is dear to Him is to suffer and make it walk through the way of Calvary.  “The Cross – said Jesus – is the stair of Paradise, and is the Patrimony of all the Elect in this life.  Would it displease you – Jesus told me – if I gave you to drink from my chalice until the last drop?”  But not now, said Jesus, when I am in the convent.  I responded: “Jesus, may Your most holy Will be done.”
            Are you content if I ask Jesus if He would have me experience the agony all night? If you want, I want it and Jesus also; if not, no.
            I ask for your holy blessing, and pray to Jesus for the poor

Jesus repeats that He wants her to be a Passionist of Corneto; He exhorts her to embrace the cross, that which is so conformed to hers, and so much more is it bitter.  Her Guardian Angel tells her that suffering always takes the measure which is given by the loving hand of Jesus.

(November 1899. – Cf. P .GERM. n .IV).
            Jesus, every time I go to pray, or rather to sleep, recommends me to tell you to place me in a convent.  “But where?” I say.  And Jesus responds to me: “Passionist of Corneto.”  I told Jesus that it is very difficult; instead Jesus told me that it is easy.  Therefore if it is easy, why don’t you think about it? Obey Jesus.
            And then sometimes, when I should go (especially on Friday) to pray, it seems to me not to have a desire to, and Jesus tells me: “Embrace the cross, my daughter; be secure that while you are satiated with suffering, you satiate my Heart, and remember: the more bitter the cross is to your heart, so is it more conformed to mine.  I, look – Jesus told me – have compassion for your weakness, I send you drops from the bitter chalice of my Passion, and I visit you with a small part of suffering for a time.”
            Am I wrong not to have a desire, when Jesus calls me? Also now, that we are at Thursday evening, I feel curious and I do not want to suffer this evening; but do you know? My Guardian Angel tells me to be content, because suffering takes the measure of weight, which is given by the hand of Jesus, in proportion of how He wants it to feel; and so He orders its circumstances, and will arrange my heart to receive it.  And then it is not at all the pain which must conform to us, it is us who must conform to pain.
            I ask for your Blessing, and pray much to Jesus for the poor,
Who needs it so much.

1 comment:

Gemma Louise said...

Thank you for these posts.
This website has helped me so much in my Catholic faith by learning about St Gemma.